less anxious, more receptive

This is further thinking from the previous post, so if you can read that first this will make more sense.

The inner growth that is unplanned or less controlled – the growth I sense coming from living in community is doing the work of moving information from my head into my heart. I have had a lot of trouble moving information or knowledge into my heart where I live and love naturally. A lot of time has been spent praying that I might act better, and hoping that I treat people better, but those desires were kind of external – I was wishing I could be different, not knowing exactly what I was aiming at. I think of the motivation as coming from behind – a shove. What I am experiencing in the fellowship of these saints is a drawing forward, toward another way that is being modeled all around me.

Just after writing the last post, I was reading E. Stanley Jones’ book Growing Spiritually. He was writing about growing in peace instead of growing by struggle and tension. “You cannot grow by …becoming troubled about growing.” “Don’t struggle to grow, surrender to grow. Empty your hands and take the gift.” We must learn how to take in, to be receptive. Expending energy is good for growth, but only to a certain degree, and perhaps our efforts are maximized when coming from a posture of receptivity and peace.